You do you.

Sticking to my knitting.

It’s been a mixed week for me, highs and lows. Laughs and tears. Such is life maybe?

My week started watching an absolute artist on stage. Joe Bonamassa, a blues superstar and incredibly talented guitar player. Not someone I know well (I went on someone’s recommendation). His skill shone throughout the two hour show. I was left bewildered and starry eyed. I was on my feet, clapping hard till my palms hurt.

The mighty Joe!

The next day, in typical me style, I watched a documentary about the mighty Joe. His story had several setbacks, enough to put most people off the scent of artistic mastery, but he kept going. Not only that, he was determine to keep true to what he wanted to do with his music. The moment something didn’t feel right to him, he stopped, and insisted upon a more authentic direction. Clearly after witnessing his performance on Saturday, his stubbornness has paid off. He is a successful artist, admired by his peers and adored by his fans.

Staying true to what feels right to us is so important. “You do you” as someone said to me earlier this week. And I advise to another to “stick to your knitting”.

All week I have been researching the topic of family estrangement for a future posting (watch this space). It’s a topic close to my heart. In my family, we have estrangement (on both sides of my parents) and additional aspects of separation amongst our very tiny nuclear “family”.

With family dynamics in mind, I rewatched one of my favourite and most painful films (masochist anyone?)… Joanna Hogg’s profound “Archipelago”. The film tells of a family holiday before the young son, Edward, heads off to Africa for almost a year to do charitable work.

Similarly to Hogg’s fabulous work, the film boils with family tensions. The sister full of anger, judgement and bitterness. The mute mother who won’t name her needs and wants, but will with passive aggression, if the wrong choice is made. And then there’s the father, whose arrival is terminally anticipated and never realised (sorry spoiler).

From the outset, it is clear to the viewer how lost Edward is. A truly lost boy. After a failed stint working for his father in the financial industry, he now embarks on this journey to Africa. His sister constantly challenges his trip and shames him for his lack of formal employment. He appears in a state of constant tension and anxiety throughout the holiday. His discomfort about the family hiring a young woman to cook for them becoming clear, as he tries to befriend her and offer to help with the washing up.

Towards the end of the film, despite his earlier stronger convictions about his trip (in defence against his sister), he exclaims to the table of diners, “I have no idea what I’m doing, am I doing the right thing going to Africa? I have no idea.” No words of comfort or reassurance come from those who witness Edward’s distress. Edward is left to handle his fear and confusion alone. The family is unable to contain his feelings or provide that vital secure base from which he can venture out from. The absence of the father archetype is evident here. An archetype which can encourage others to explore and have adventures.

Unlike Joe with his guitar, Edward cannot locate his sense of want and need. What feels true to who he is and what doesn’t. His inner sat nav appears broken and confused. I can empathise with Edward. I am needing to locate my inner sat nav at present and its not always that easy to find, let alone understand.

And what has this week led me to (you might ask)? Well the start of a bit of a personal “rebrand” (cringe)…. I have owned my domain name (suziechick.com) for many years and yet have never used it for my work. I have been holding onto it (paying for the ownership every year) believing at some point in the future I’ll launch my practice in name alone.

Now is this time. Time for me to step out behind my old earlier incarnation (dear old compass counselling) and stand in my own true light, just as I am.

Till next week folks. x

Photo by Margarida Afonso on Unsplash